Then something small happens. The dishes. A comment. A look. A conversation about who is doing more. Suddenly, it turns into an argument that feels much bigger than the thing you were actually talking about.
Over time, these moments add up. It's not just one big thing but a slow drift. And even when you both still care deeply about each other, it can start to feel like you're no longer on the same team but just two people trying to get through the day.
Often there's more happening underneath the surface but it's just become so hard to get there.
And while it can be easy to put your relationship last when so much else needs your attention, your relationship with your partner matters. Not just to you, but to your children also. What they witness between you and what they feel in that environment, stays with them. It shapes how they understand relationships, connection and themselves.
The environment your child grows up in is shaped not just by how you parent, but by the relationship they see between you.
And that is something worth getting right.
Becoming parents can shift a relationship in ways that people don’t always expect.
In some ways, it can bring you closer. There is a shared sense of purpose, a new kind of love, and the experience of building something together.
But at the same time, it can also create distance.
One of you is touched out by the end of the day after a full day of holding, feeding and being needed by someone all day. The other has been away all day and may come home wanting to reconnect and be intimate, but feels rejected when it doesn't happen.
One of you may be carrying the mental load of appointments, feeds, routines, washing, planning, remembering everything. The other may want to help but may not always know what needs to be done. By the time they ask, frustration has already built.
One of you feels isolated at home, missing adult conversation and a sense of identity beyond being a parent. The other may be under pressure at work, holding it together out there and arrives home already exhausted.
This means we don't just focus on what's happening on the surface, like the arguments, distance or exhaustion. But we take the time to understand what each of you is actually carrying in this season of life and how that's showing up between you. Often, the way you react to each other makes more sense when you understand what's happening underneath.
The Gottman Method is based on decades of research into what helps relationships stay strong. In this stage of life, that
often means learning how to have difficult conversations without feeling like you are attacking, defending or shutting down.
We also look at the patterns that keep showing up between you, so you can understand what is really happening underneath and find a different way through it.
At its core, this work is about helping you feel like you're on the same team again.
SERVICES
NEW PARENT COUNSELLING IN MELBOURNE
Becoming parents can shift a relationship in ways that people don’t always expect.
In some ways, it can bring you closer. There is a shared sense of purpose, a new kind of love, and the experience of building something together.
But at the same time, it can also create distance.
One of you is touched out by the end of the day after a full day of holding, feeding and being needed by someone all day. The other has been away all day and may come home wanting to reconnect and be intimate, but feels rejected when it doesn't happen.
One of you may be carrying the mental load of appointments, feeds, routines, washing, planning, remembering everything. The other may want to help but may not always know what needs to be done. By the time they ask, frustration has already built.
One of you feels isolated at home, missing adult conversation and a sense of identity beyond being a parent. The other may be under pressure at work, holding it together out there and arrives home already exhausted.
Then something small happens. The dishes. A comment. A look. A conversation about who is doing more. Suddenly, it turns into an argument that feels much bigger than the thing you were actually talking about.
Over time, these moments add up. It's not just one big thing but a slow drift. And even when you both still care deeply about each other, it can start to feel like you're no longer on the same team but just two people trying to get through the day.
Often there's more happening underneath the surface but it's just become so hard to get there.
And while it can be easy to put your relationship last when so much else needs your attention, your relationship to your partner matters. Not just to you, but to your children. What they witness between you and what they feel in that environment, stays with them. It shapes how they understand relationships, connection and themselves.
The environment your child grows up in is shaped not just by how you parent, but by the relationship they see between you.
And that is something worth getting right.
APPROACH
My work with couples is grounded in the Gottman Method alongside a trauma-informed approach.
This means we don't just focus on what's happening on the surface, like the arguments, distance or exhaustion. But we take the time to understand what each of you is actually carrying in this season of life and how that's showing up between you. Often, the way you react to each other makes more sense when you understand what's happening underneath.
The Gottman Method is based on decades of research into what helps relationships stay strong. In this stage of life, that often means learning how to have difficult conversations without feeling like you are attacking, defending or shutting down.
We also look at the patterns that keep showing up between you, so you can understand what is really happening underneath and find a different way through it.
At its core, this work is about helping you feel like you're on the same team again.
WHAT WE WORK ON
Navigating the change in roles and expectations
Communicating when you’re exhausted or under pressure
Understanding each other’s responses and needs
In our work together, we might focus on things like:
Navigating the change in roles and expectations
Communicating when you’re exhausted or under pressure
Understanding each other’s responses and needs
Staying connected through the demands of early parenthood
Rebuilding closeness, intimacy and connection
Creating a shared way forward as a family
Staying connected through the demands of early parenthood
Rebuilding closeness, intimacy and connection
Creating a shared way forward as a family
FAQs
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Yes. This is incredibly common, even in strong relationships. The transition into parenthood places pressure on both individuals and the relationship, and many couples notice a shift during this time.
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Yes. The work we do is practical and designed to fit into real life. It is not about adding more pressure, but about helping things feel more manageable and connected.
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Ideally yes. If your partner is unsure, it is worth a conversation about what might make it feel more possible for them. In the meantime, I'd suggest each of you connects with your own individual counsellor and that way, when you are both ready, I can work with you as a couple without either of you wondering whose side I am on.
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Not at all. The earlier you come, the more there is to work with. Many couples wait until things feel unmanageable, but getting support during the transition (rather than after patterns have taken hold) tends to produce much better outcomes.
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Gottman's research found that relationship satisfaction drops significantly for the majority of couples in the first few years after having a baby and that this happens regardless of how strong the relationship was before. It is one of the most well-studied transitions in relationship research. What the research also shows is that the couples who fare best are those who maintain their friendship and emotional connection through the transition, rather than letting the relationship quietly take a back seat.
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Yes and this is one of the most important findings from the research. The environment a child grows up in is shaped not just by how they are parented individually, but by the relationship they witness between their parents. Children raised in homes where the parental relationship is warm, connected, and low in unresolved conflict tend to fare significantly better emotionally and socially. Working on your relationship is not separate from being a good parent - it is part of it.