Often, what brings couples here isn't one big issue, but small things that have built up over time, leading to disconnection, conflict, or things remaining unresolved.
You may have tried to bring something up and it turned into an argument before you've even finished your sentence.
Or maybe one of you shuts down and the other is left trying to get through, not knowing how.
You might have gone over the same issues again and again, but nothing has changed so eventually, you stop bringing it up. And quietly, resentment settles in.
Other times, it could be quieter than that.
The Gottman Method is built on decades of research into what helps relationships succeed. The focus isn't on avoiding conflict, but on building a relationship strong enough to navigate it and learning to communicate in a way where you both feel heard.
The trauma-informed side means I look beyond what's happening on the surface. Often, the way you respond to each other, in conflict or in closeness, starts to make more sense when you understand where it comes from. The aim isn't to assign blame
SERVICES
COUPLES COUNSELLING IN MELBOURNE
For partners who feel disconnected, stuck, or unsure how to move forward.
Often, what brings couples here isn't one big issue, but small things that have built up over time, leading to disconnection, conflict, or things remaining unresolved.
You may have tried to bring something up and it turned into an argument before you've even finished your sentence.
Or maybe one of you shuts down and the other is left trying to get through, not knowing how.
You might have gone over the same issues again and again, but nothing has changed so eventually, you stop bringing it up. And quietly, resentment settles in.
Other times, it could be quieter than that.
You're both getting through the day together, doing what needs to be done. There's conversation about logistics, some laughter, some connection, but the deeper sense of closeness doesn't seem to be there.
You sit next to each other at the end of the day, but you're not really together.
Over time, these patterns can become the default, even when you still care deeply about each other.
Working through this isn't about fixing one argument or deciding who's right or wrong. It's about understanding what's happening between you, what keeps pulling you into the same patterns, and how to find a different way through it together.
You're both getting through the day together, doing what needs to be done. There's conversation about logistics, some laughter, some connection, but the deeper sense of closeness doesn't seem to be there.
You sit next to each other at the end of the day, but you're not really together.
Over time, these patterns can become the default, even when you still care deeply about each other.
Working through this isn't about fixing one argument or deciding who's right or wrong. It's about understanding what's happening between you, what keeps pulling you into the same patterns, and how to find a different way through it together.
APPROACH
My work with couples is grounded in a trauma-informed approach, alongside the Gottman Method.
The Gottman Method is built on decades of research into what helps relationships succeed. The focus isn't on avoiding conflict, but on building a relationship strong enough to navigate it and learning to communicate in a way where you both feel heard.
The trauma-informed side means I look beyond what's happening on the surface. Often, the way you respond to each other, in conflict or in closeness, starts to make more sense when you understand where it comes from. The aim isn't to assign blame but to make sense of the patterns so that something different becomes possible.
Part of this work is identifying what's been keeping you stuck, rebuilding connection, and learning how to repair when things go wrong.
This is a space where both of you are heard equally - not to take sides, but to help you move from feeling like you're against each other, to learning how to face things together.
but to make sense of the patterns so that something different becomes possible.
Part of this work is identifying what's been keeping you stuck, rebuilding connection, and learning how to repair when things go wrong.
This is a space where both of you are heard equally - not to take sides, but to help you move from feeling like you're against each other, to learning how to face things together.
Building friendship and intimacy
Communication without escalation
Understanding patterns
WHAT WE WORK ON
In our work together, we might focus on things like:
Building friendship and intimacy
Communication without escalation
Understanding patterns
Repair after conflict
Rebuilding connection
Building a shared life that feels meaningful to both of you
Repair after conflict
Rebuilding connection
Building a shared life that feels meaningful to both of you
FAQs
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The Gottman Method is built on over four decades of research following hundreds of couples (some for up to 18 years) to understand what makes relationships succeed or fail. The approach is practical and skills-based: you'll learn ways to strengthen your friendship, manage conflict more effectively, and build a shared life that feels meaningful to both of you.
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Many approaches focus heavily on resolving conflict. Gottman's research actually found that around 69% of conflict in relationships is never fully resolved, even in happy ones. The difference isn't whether couples argue; it's how they argue, and whether there's enough genuine friendship and goodwill to carry them through. This approach works on all of that, not just conflict in isolation.
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No. Research shows couples wait an average of six years after first noticing something is wrong before seeking help. You don't need to be at breaking point. Many couples come because they want to build on what's already good, navigate a life transition, or simply feel more connected.
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The first three sessions are an assessment phase. The first session is where I'll learn about your history and ask you to have a brief conversation about a disagreement while I observe. Session 2, I meet with each of you individually to learn more. Session 3 we come back together and I share what I've found - your strengths, the areas to work on, and a suggested direction. You'll also both complete a detailed questionnaire as part of this process.
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No. This is not about one person being right and the other being wrong. It is about understanding both perspectives and helping you work together.
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That is okay. How you navigate conflict together is important information. Arguments in session aren't something to manage away - they're actually something to work with.
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That's more common than you might think. The individual sessions in the assessment phase are partly designed to understand where each person actually is including any differences in how committed each of you feels. Uncertainty is a valid place to start.
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Couples counselling works best with both partners present. If your partner isn't ready, it's worth a conversation about what might make it feel more possible for them. I'd recommend connecting with an individual counsellor in the meantime and that way, if couples counselling becomes an option down the track, I can step into that role without either of you questioning where my loyalties lie.